May 2012
24 posts
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Parenting Fail
This morning I accidentally washed my son’s mouth out with soap. Pro-tip: when you go to wash your kid’s face, check to see if their mouth is closed first.
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What's in your breasts that shouldn't be and why?
Last week, Fresh Air on NPR interviewed Florence Williams, the author of Breasts: A Natural and Unnatural History. Seriously, listen to this story. It is amazing. It covers everything from breastfeeding, to cancer, to plastic surgery, to male breast cancer, to chemicals in the home. I would love to go into more about it, but I can’t even figure out which topic to focus on. She goes into so...
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“We used to think that breast milk was just a food and that it was filled with...”
– Florence Williams on the benefits of breast milk (via yellowsparkleonionrings)
Maehem Sez: I had an abortion →
maehemsez:
I had an abortion.
I’m not going to tell you how old I was when I had it.
I’m not going to tell you what the circumstances around the pregnancy were.
I’m not going to tell you whether birth control was used or not.
I’m not going to tell you whether it was a wanted or an unwanted pregnancy.
…
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the31styear replied to your post: Waiting…
Missed the cancer memo. Hope you’re doing as well as you can be and treating yourself right.
Yeah, I didn’t do much of a post on my cancer diagnosis. I’ve mentioned it once or twice, but didn’t detail how it came about. The story is that back in February, I had a miscarriage and it was found to be an “invasive molar...
Waiting...
I’m at the doctor’s office waiting for my chemo, so I’ve got some time to waste. Feel free to ask me something. I’ve turned on anon, but will only answer questions that wouldn’t make my mother blush (she read this, you know. Hi Mom!) I’ll turn off anon after I get my treatment, or if someone gets mean. So stay nice, and ask away!
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The Daddy Complex: Parenting & The Media →
Great post on the “War on Moms” by David Vienna. Want to do something about the injustices parents face? Support MomsRising and become one of their members.
thedaddycomplex:
Dear Everyone:
It seems parenting has re-appeared as a hot topic in the news and not for reasons I would have liked. One stupid comment from a pundit and suddenly there’s a “War on Moms.” One muckraking cover...
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A Special Mother's Day Hug
To all of the women out there (and the people who love them) who have delt with pregnancy loss or the loss of a child. Mother’s Day is bittersweet for people who have experienced loss. While we are so grateful for the love in our lives that we have, this day is often also a reminder of what we have lost. So for those folks out there experiencing the mixed emotions of this day, I send you a...
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You know you are a mom when you go shopping for yourself and end up buying mostly things for your kid. I should never visit stores with a kid’s department. Never!!
Ban The Mommy-Bomb: Why You Shouldn't Read That... →
At first I was intrigued by this edition if Time, but now I just feel manipulated. And yeah, it is timely, but it is so mean-spirited to publish something that divisive about moms just before Mother’s Day. No, I will not purchase this edition of Time (not that I ever really read Time anyways.) Instead, I’ll be spending time with my family, and being exactly mom enough for my son.
...
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Dear Media,
Please stop using the faux-word “Mompraneur.” Just because a female entrepreneur is a mother, and is inspired by her family life to establish a business doesn’t mean she needs “mom” added to her descriptor. When a father starts a business no one calls him a “dadpraneur.” He’s just an unremarkable “entrepreneur.” The term mompraneur is...
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“I have nothing now but praise for my life. I’m not unhappy. I cry a lot because...”
– Maurice Sendak on Fresh Air (via Gawker)
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On "Nature and sex and petrified penises"
So I had a whole commentary on my previous post that didn’t show up (annoying!!) anyhow, what I’d intended to say was the following:
This conversation between a father and seven-year-old son about sex is well worth the read. It is long, and super detailed, but a really interesting insight into one parent’s thoughtful approach to addressing this sensitive subject. There are...
Nature and sex and petrified penises: the first...
[Note: This is a long one...]
[Scene: Luke, age 7, is out with me for a hike through nearby fields because I'm going to give him an introductory talk about sex]
Luke: "Look, Dad, deer tracks." [stops and examines them]
Me: "You're right. Where are they headed?"
Luke: [observing] "They look like they're coming from the house over there, and they're going toward the gully on the other side."
Me: "Looks like two sets of tracks."
Luke: "Yeah... but these are smaller and closer together than the other."
Me: "Maybe it's a small deer? Or a fawn? It seems a little early in the year for fawns."
Luke: "Maybe it's just a small deer."
[we resume our hike]
Me: "It is spring, though. We saw baby ducks at the pond last week, and the hatched robins' eggs in the yard, so you know baby deer aren't far off. Lots of animals have babies in the spring."
Luke: "Yeah, even bugs do."
Me: "Yep, even bugs." [long pause] "Do you know where baby animals come from?"
Luke: "They come from mommy animals."
Me: "Yes, but how does that happen?"
Luke: "The mommy gets pregnant. She gets a baby growing inside her, and then the baby comes out when it's ready."
Me: "Do you know how the mommy gets the baby inside her?"
Luke: "It happens when she wants it to happen, right?"
Me: "It's a little more complicated than that. Actually, this is something I wanted to talk to you about."
Luke: "What's that?"
Me: "Well, lately, I've heard you talking about things you've heard at school or seen when we're out in public. Like when you said the word 'sexy' the other day because one of your friends at school says it. Or when you were asking about the covers on magazines at the checkout, why women practically had their breasts hanging out of their clothes."
Luke: [suspiciously] "Yeah...?"
Me: "All of that is related to something called sex. Have you heard that word before?"
Luke: "Maybe. I don't think so."
Me: "Even if you haven't heard it directly, I can tell you're hearing and seeing things related to sex. And as you get older you'll be hearing a lot more about it from friends or school. That's what I want to talk to you about."
Luke: "Okay. But first, let's swordfight!"
Me: "Sure."
[Luke picks up a couple of sticks from the ground and tosses one to me. We fight until the sticks have broken]
Me: "Alright, let's keep walking."
Luke: "Can I lead?"
Me: "Where do you want to go?"
Luke: "Let's head down to the big old tree on the other side of the field."
Me: "Okay. You lead, and I'll keep talking."
Luke: "You're good at that."
Me: "Very funny. So look, we were talking about baby animals. When animals have babies, it's called 'reproduction'."
Luke: "What does that mean?"
Me: "When something reproduces, that means it makes another copy of itself. A baby deer is a new deer. A baby person is a new person. In fact, all living things reproduce. Animals, people, bugs, trees."
Luke: "And flowers."
Me: "Right. Everything that's alive needs to reproduce. You know when we're watching a wildlife documentary and they talk about the animals 'mating'?"
Luke: "Yeah. Look over there. What's that?"
Me: "What?"
Luke: "There. That white thing on the ridge." [points across the field]
Me: "Hmm. Hard to tell in the grass. Could be a cat."
Luke: "Let's go look."
Me: "Okay. So, 'mating' means that the animals are reproducing. They're making baby animals. And they do this by having sex."
Luke: "Having sex?"
Me: "When animals or humans make a baby, that baby isn't an exact copy of the mom, right? They look different?"
Luke: "Well, they kind of look similar."
Me: "But not exactly the same."
Luke: "No."
Me: "That's because our bodies grow according to information, kind of according to a plan, really. I think you've heard people talk about 'genes' -- that's the plan for how your body grows. Half of that plan comes from a baby's mother, but the other half comes from the baby's father. That's why you kind of look like me and kind of look like Mom. But the dad has to get his half of the information inside the mom. That's what the nature movies call 'mating', which is sex."
Luke: "You mean, they get married?"
Me: "Well, animals don't get married. People should get married before they have sex, but sex is an activity. It's something the mom and dad have to do together."
Luke: [peering ahead] "I don't think that's a cat up there. I think it's just a piece of trash stuck in that clump of grass."
Me: "You might be right. We can still head up there and see. If it's trash we can see about taking it home and putting it in the garbage can."
Luke: "Okay. Can I climb up the dirt pile too?"
Me: "I don't know. Last time it was covered in thornbushes."
Luke: "I won't climb it if its covered in thorns."
Me: "Good idea."
Luke: "But we'll check on the trash first."
Me: "Right. Lead on." [pause] "So, I said that sex was how the mom and dad make a baby. It's pretty straightforward. You already know what a penis is."
Luke: "It's your pee-pee."
Me: "It's a boy's pee-pee. Girls and women don't have a penis, though. Their pee-pee is called a vagina."
Luke: "A boy's penis sticks out of his body. Girls' pee-pees don't stick out."
Me: "Right, that's one major difference between boys and girls."
Luke: "I've seen Beth's pee-pee before." [Beth == Luke's 3-year-old sister]
Me: "Exactly. And moms and dads use them for sex. The dad puts his penis inside the mom's vagina, and puts his information inside her. That's what makes her pregnant."
Luke: "Seriously?"
Me: "Yeah."
Luke: "They put their pee-pees together? That makes a baby?"
Me: "Yeah."
Luke: "So the dad pees inside the mom? Am I made out of pee?"
Me: "No, not at all. During sex, pee doesn't come out of the man's penis. Instead something called 'sperm' comes out. It's white. It's got all the information that the dad has to put inside the mom. And inside the mom is her information -- it's called an 'egg' -- which gets together with the dad's sperm, and if everything works out, together they eventually turn into a baby."
Luke: "Is a mom's pee-pee really big enough for that?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Luke: "I mean, is it big enough for a dad's penis?"
Me: "Well, a baby comes out of it, and that's a lot bigger than a penis. So yeah, it's big enough."
Luke: "This doesn't sound right. I don't understand how a dad's pee-pee gets in there."
Me: "Well, when a mom and dad want to have sex, the dad's penis gets hard, so he can slide it into the mom's vagina."
Luke: "It gets petrified?"
Me: "It gets hard, yes, though I wouldn't call it petrified. Actually it's called an erection, or sometimes a 'hard-on'."
Luke: "That's crazy. Petrified pee-pees!"
Me: "If you like. But that's how people have babies: the dad puts his penis --"
Luke: "His /petrified/ penis!"
Me: "-- his /erect/ penis -- in the mom's vagina, and sends over his sperm to team up with the mom's egg and turn into a new person. Lots of animals do this too, in one way or the other."
Luke: "Dad, this is pretty disgusting."
Me: "Good, keep thinking that way. But there's a couple more things you need to know about sex."
Luke: "Are you almost done?"
Me: "Just two more points."
Luke: "Okay."
Me: "So, I've explained how sex happens. But it's not just how you make babies. For grown-ups, sex also feels good. It's one way that two people show love to each other. It's really personal and private. Most sex is just because it feels good, not because people want to make a baby."
Luke: "Yuck."
Me: "Look, God made sex for two reasons: to make babies, and for moms and dads to help each other feel good. But it's something that needs to happen between people who are married."
Luke: "Did you and Mom do this? You put your pee-pee inside Mom's pee-pee?"
Me: "Yes."
Luke: "That's gross."
Me: "Like I said: for grown-ups, it feels good. It's one way that moms and dads show each other love."
Luke: "Have you guys done this more than once?"
Me: "Yeah. I mean, you know we've done it at least twice, since we have two kids, but we've had a lot more sex than that."
Luke: "How long does sex take? Is it all day?"
Me: "Umm, not usually. It doesn't take long."
Luke: [points to the ridge we've reached] "Look, it's a plastic bag. It's not a cat."
Me: "You're right." [picks it up] "Let's take it back home and put it in the trash."
Luke: "Can I climb the dirt pile?"
Me: "There's a lot of thornbushes on this side. But we can walk around to the other side and see if it's any clearer."
Luke: "Okay."
Me: "So, a few points so far: first, sex is when a man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina. This is how people make babies. It also feels good."
Luke: "Are you almost done?"
Me: "Almost. There's two things to remember. First, like a lot of good things, the world tries to turn sex into something it shouldn't be. Like, people thinking sex is more important than other things, or that sex is something you can do with anybody you want to, instead of keeping it between people who are married."
Luke: "Like people who eat too much food or want too much money."
Me: "Yeah, kind of like that. It gets out of control for some people. Or they think they need to use sex to get people to like them. So being 'sexy' is how people try to attract other people. It's like looking handsome, except it's using more private parts of your body."
Luke: "So people want to look like they want sex?"
Me: "Yes."
Luke: "But do they /really/ want sex?"
Me: "Sometimes."
Luke: "That's really weird."
Me: "And there are other people who act like sex is bad, when it's not."
Luke: "It sounds pretty bad to me."
Me: "One more point. Penises and vaginas are the parts of your body you use for peeing, and also sex. A women's breasts are also for sex, not just for feeding babies. All these body parts need to be kept private. They're not for touching, or letting other people touch, or make jokes about."
Luke: "Boobs are part of sex?"
Me: "Yes. And they're private. Last week you grabbed [J...]'s breast when you were playing. Don't do that. Breasts are private in the same way that penises are private."
Luke: "Can I climb the dirt pile? There's no thorns on this side."
Me: "Sure, just be careful."
Luke: [climbs pile] "Does Mom know you're talking to me about sex?"
Me: "Yes, she knows. She and I talked about how we would talk to you. So, just to repeat the major points: sex is when a man puts his penis inside of a woman. This is so they can reproduce -- make a baby -- or to feel good. Also, this is a personal thing, a special thing, and should be between people who are married. That's the way God designed sex, and that's the way it works best. It's supposed to be sacred. And finally, the parts of the body like penises or vaginas or breasts are part of sex, and are really private parts of your body. Nobody should be touching them, and you shouldn't be touching other people's."
Luke: "So you only have sex in private? Do people ever have sex where other people can watch them?"
Me: "If they do, that would be a good example of people doing something wrong with sex."
Luke: "That would be weird. Like: 'Look at me! I have a petrified pee-pee!'"
Me: "Do you have any other questions?"
Luke: [sliding down dirt hill] "No."
Me: "Well, if you ever have any questions about sex, or things you hear or see, just ask me or Mom. We'll always answer any question you may have. And trust me: you will hear more about sex as you get older."
Luke: "Can we go home now?" [brushes pants off] "I'm getting hungry."
Me: "Sure."
Luke: [starts walking back with me] "And can we stop talking about sex? And petrified pee-pees?"
Me: "Yes. What would you like to talk about now?"
Luke: "Butt jokes."
--- : ---
[Note: This was just an introduction to sex for an audience of one seven-year-old boy. I didn't get into topics like contraception, STIs, pornography, homosexuality, etc. I may have missed writing down a couple details, in the conversation but this is most of it. Of course, you are free to disagree with my approach, but the main thing is: in your own way, please talk to your own kids about sex, before somebody else does.]
April 2012
12 posts
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For post-partum moms: Regroup Therapy →
I’d never heard of this group until just a moment ago. I know many moms who have suffered with post-partum, and getting out of the house to get support can be so challenging. Heck, getting out of the house can be challenging for any new parent!
This company provides video support groups for post-partum moms. An idea that just makes sense. FYI- this is a start-up, so while they are in the...
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Cookware 101: Must-Have Pots and Pans →
Based on this, my kitchen is well stocked (no pun intended!) If you are just setting up your kitchen, this list is worth checking out. After years of cooking, I’d say this list is pretty accurate!
americastestkitchen:
Before you can fill your kitchen with trendy gadgets and infomercial knickknacks, you need to nail down the essential equipment. With just these well-chosen pots and pans,...
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So excited for a drink tonight!
No, I’m not a college student planning to booze it up. Right now, none of you all know the big stink in my life that has been happening over the past few weeks. Basically, my pregnancy hormones have not dropped as expected following my surgeries. This means that I’ve got cancer. Well, truthfully all molar pregnancies are cancer, but most can be treated with surgery alone. I started...
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Should she have to suffer like this? →
I’ve got followers out there who span the political spectrum, despite the fact that I am clearly uber-liberal. For those out there that are anti-choice, I hope that you will ready this article and think about this family’s suffering as they waded though Texas laws surrounding abortion. No one who is facing such horrible outcomes for their very much wanted child should be put through...
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Czeching Out Kolaches
Sarah was one of my bestest friends in college, and is now rocking out some recipes at Cook’s Country. Go Sarah!
americastestkitchen:
Cook’s Country test cook Sarah Gabriel doles out dollops of filling on a tray full of soon-to-be kolaches (a type of Czech pastry, versions of which exist throughout Central Europe, which eventually made its way to the United States and remains popular in...
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Ashley Judd socks it to misogynist media →
I’ve liked Ashley Judd for a long time. Ever since I saw her speak at a YouthAIDS event about ten years ago, I knew she was more than a young actress. She is a smart, thoughtful, and dedicated woman. Now I have cause to love her even more. And so do you.
In response to critiques of her appearance in the media, she has emerged with the most articulate tirade against pervasive misogyny.
...
March 2012
14 posts
beautifulmadhouse: A child's account of her... →
bitchaboutpregnancy:
beautifulmadhouse:
The ‘Middle Wife’ by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher:
I’ve been teaching now for about 15. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I heard and saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few…
This is sooo adorable!!
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Why getting grimy as a child can make for a... →
Finally! Justification for not keeping a cleaner house!
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Do women spend more time parenting because they... →
I love being a mom, but like any parent in a household thinking progressively about gender roles, from time to time the “balance” question comes up. Is my husband doing enough of the parenting? Housework? Cooking? Does my working part time mean that I should willingly take on more of this responsibility? Or just not complain about it? Should I work more?
From time to time the...
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Clearly my work and my personal health issues have me talking a little too much about access to health records. Last night my two year old was running around saying, “I need my health record!”
Change.org's petition calling for the state of... →
amantesuntamentes:
this petition was created by Tracy Martin and Sybrina Fulton (Trayvon’s parents). Please sign.
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No offense to all of my dear pregnant friends out there (and this does not apply to you), but being surrounded by pregnant people after a miscarriage is a special kind of torture.
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threeclicks replied to your link: Some people think it is ok for doctors to lie to patients.
It is unethical because it’s lying and I don’t think that lies within the Hippocratic oath. If they don’t trust me with the ability to make the right decision for my child and for me, how can they trust me with that child once it’s born? Gross.
Right on. I totally agree!
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Some people think it is ok for doctors to lie to... →
In Kansas, an anti-abortion bill has been proposed that would allow doctors to withhold test results from a mother to prevent her from choosing to have an abortion. That means that if you were to go in to have an ultrasound, an amnio, or CVS to determine if your child is healthy they would legally be able to withhold information from you to keep you from making an informed decision. So many...
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Toddlers have mad decayed teeth. →
I’m not parent of the year (close though, I know that’s what you’re thinking) but tooth brushing is a big deal in my house. Last night, for the first time in literally years I went to bed without brushing my teeth (and the awful feel of fuzzy mouth this morning reminded me why I brush every morning and night. Ugh.)
I’ve also always brushed my son’s teeth. But we...
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